My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
