I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
