i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
