I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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