if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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