I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
