what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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