some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
