Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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