Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
