I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize