Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
