I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
