I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
