Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
