Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
