My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize