When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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