ADVERTISEMENT

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  what does that even mean?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.

  Fav 36 5810 981

  share tweet
  

• (432): View more from Texas

  TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!

  Fav 47 5822 1197

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower

  Fav 43 1602 20274

  share tweet
  

• (416): View more from Toronto

  We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?

  Fav 12 6199 1212

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee

  Fav 20 8977 1505

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands

  Fav 8 3611 1157

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.

  Fav 5 815 1330

  share tweet
  

• (516): View more from New York

  Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame

  Fav 2 1991 726

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.

  Fav 12 3219 897

  share tweet
  

• (540): View more from Virginia

  Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.

  Fav 2 594 941

  share tweet
  

• (613): View more from Ontario

  LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE

  Fav 2 445 359

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (425): View more from Washington

  Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.

  Fav 0 423 150

  share tweet
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them

  Fav 3 475 159

  share tweet
  

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home

  Fav 1 43 11

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (540): View more from Virginia

  I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.

  Fav 0 58 41

  share tweet
  

Randomize