Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
