508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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