people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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