my phone needs a breathalizer
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
