so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
