haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize