good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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