ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
