If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
