I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Randomize
