dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
