would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
