I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
