Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
