We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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