garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Come share oat with me in your robe
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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