you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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