I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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