used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
