he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize