All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the liver wants what the liver wants
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
