We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
