I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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