I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
