ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize