you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
