If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
