there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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