I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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