highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
