I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
