So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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