Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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