I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
