Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
