you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
