I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
