how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
