Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
