Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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