I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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