I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
