the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
