Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
