just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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