so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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