My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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