I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
