We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
