Someone shit on the floor
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
