I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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